Just want to say that things are going well and that i'm actually doing ok. Things have been kind of iffy because of my looking for a job and living at home. I'm hoping that the next month or so go well. I am also hoping I don't freak myself out of something good. Happy!

I always seem to get my self in situations which cause me to balk at them and run away like a skittish little animal. Oh well... That's just me.
Last night (Thursday) I went to the Bar with my friend Mike who's leaving for the Navy in a couple of weeks. We were having tons of fun and I made a couple of new friends, two very sweet girls- Jade and Mariah. Well as the night was waning, I met a guy who is pretty nice and we had a lot in common. So being drunk off our asses we exchange inf and plan to meet the next day. Sounds good so far right.
So I met up with him early(ish) on Friday morning at Star'Fuck's and just sit and chat for awhile, then head to a movie, took my mom's wig to the boutique for cleaning, and then just sat in a parking lot listening to the songs he's written and had him sing to me (rolls eyes). I don't know but after this I just wasn't as interested as I was the night previous. I don't want to sound callus but there was something about the way he carried himself and the way he sung, and the fact that he chain smokes when he's nervous that just rubbed me the wrong way.
I really don't know what's the matter with me. Maybe I'm just too afraid of getting hurt again. The first and only boyfriend I ever had probably has something to do with my expectations, of course those may be too high as well.
I guess I wouldn't mind being friends with him, but he just doesn't strike me as someone I want to date. Yeah he knows Frank, Dean, Bing, Judy, likes anime (to some extent) has a sarcastic nature, and is decently versed in Sci-fi including Doctor Who ( Though why he likes Troughton the best is beyond me!)
Yay for being me... Ugh! *thunks head on a wall* just great...

I really need to get out and do something, that and I need a job! LOL
I can't seem to feel bad at the moment which is kind of nice.
All I want to do is take a nice Bath, but that won't happen until I'm done at the laundromat tomorrow. Our washer and dryer are on the fritz at the moment, but it's not all that surprising really. I think we've had them since before we moved to this house. So that's a REALLY long time! LOL
Ok I just finished reading Densha Otoko (i.e. Train man) on One Manga... It's sooo good! It's also a Show on Crunchy roll. Sigh... I can't wait to have a real life again!
I don't have many things out that are for my obsessions, but sometimes I wonder if I would change so much as to get rid of the things I have...
Meh only time will tell. Anyways...I don't have much else to talk about so later!
Love you all! :-D

So Pre-valentine's was spent with Nee and Beth just hanging out talking, drinking tea, and watching weird movies and being really slap happy- Oh Kevin Kline you are sooo hot!
Actual Valentine's was spent making breakfast for Nee, Beth, sis and myself then getting things ready for later that evening. Soon had ton's of people around for games and food and movies (The Pirate movie again!) Well as usual there's always some sort of drama and my sis jumping on people giving massages. Today is lazing around doing nothing and probably more cleaning is needed... argh. I'll make sis do it this time.
ok food and what not is needed now. Laters!
P.s. It's weird but great to hang out with beth again...

So I've accomplished the goals my parents wanted me to complete... now what?
Yeah I'm looking for a job and taking the needed steps, but things aren't looking so great.
I'm not trying to complain, but nothing or rather no one is saying 'Hey we want you!'. So I'm stuck at home looking for a job with my dad... he sends me all sorts of crap. My loans are going to start saying Hey now you have to pay for us! Whoopee!!!
I'm tired, bored, and I miss being in school. Sure you hate it while your there, but the atmosphere, the people, Hell even the classes seem more enjoyable now.
I have no gumption to do anything and I am getting weak (cause if I say fat everyone will be saying 'yeah right you're so damn skinny how can you be fat!') Sigh...
So I've tried to occupy myself with reading/writing Fanfiction, online comics, or cooking (mostly Indian curries that taste pretty damn good if I do say so myself).
I hope to get a job soon and one that i like, though that's not likely to happen for another 5-6 years.
So I'm going to go to bed now and try cleaning tomorrow and maybe doing more fanfiction. So till then... later.
BAKA

So let's see... I've been out of school for almost a month now and failing miserably at trying to get a 'real' life let alone a job. I don't want to work on my damn resume or those "SOAR" stories Dad says i need to write.
I'm not keeping a regular schedule let alone a sleep/eating pattern. I'm also bored out of my mind and scared to get out of my room because of the 'rents.
Missing being in college and the people and repetition that goes with it.
I'm just so gor'am lazy that it's sick.
I'm being stubborn about everything; eating, getting a job, emailing people who should have been contacted in DECEMBER!!!
Seriously i need some kind of wake up call, kick to the head and maybe a shot in the foot.
Oh wait shot in the foot is taken care of.... eesh... this sucks
So yeah... when you think you've got it bad just look at the people around you...
Shari- still working at Sears and not getting promoted even after 2 or so years- but she is going to LCC now so i guess that counts for something...
Mom- oh gee guess what... she's got Cancer... just had another surgery(not that any more of those damn rapid growth cell have appeared- it's for a new port that helps with injections and such) and she's got 2-3 more sessions of Chemo plus 6 straight weeks of Radiation, not to mention the hair loss, which has caused her to say that she hates hair now
Dad- Lost his job earlier last year and still doesn't have one and is now nagging everyone he can and acting all superior like
I guess i can't think of any more down on their luck people, though i'm sure there are more

Honestly i'm just hopin' for the best and as we all know hopin' isn't any good unless you actually do something to help

So ok there... i'm done whining for a bit and being hypocritical as well (maybe)
YAY!!! I suck! Woot!
ok now i should sleep if my pain racked body will let me... Why am I a woman?! Why am I afflicted with womanly parts that cause pain...
Oh right i said i was done whining... ooops! sorry! ;) ok i'm done now... really
well i guess i am annoyed with the lack of Naru/gaara fics... or the lack of good music and ...
::Snicker:: I'm done i'm done.... for now!
"If you're joking that's just cruel, but if you're being sarcastic, that's even worse. "
~Duo Maxwell

I'm still pissed that you lied to me. I'm mad and hurt that I had to find out what you were doing to yourself from my mom. I'm hurt every time we talk, as if every think is OK between us and it really isn't. I know 5 years is a long time to hold a grudge, even if I've already told you all this. I've tried but now I'm done. I HATE YOU!

I've told them all of this already... as if confessing anything is going to help. Help us all this Friday when we're all out boozing it up... Don't let this turn out to be another shitty birthday.

Dark, evil and baleful intent is what is going round. Can't put my finger on it but it's mostly directed in one direction. Hope they feel it coming.
Even my dreams don't seem to matter anymore. Go figure.
Let's just get this over with.

LALALALALA! I'm just really happy and lazy, and should totally be studying, since that's why i got up early this morning to do. Good music, cute pics and random chocolate make me HAPPY!!!!
That and the Huge birthday bash is next Friday! WOOT! Ladedum...
'The whole damn world is just as obsessed with who's the best dressed and who's having sex... High school never ends!'
My Friend Inga is getting a puppy! He looks soo cute! but he's sooo small, like dollar bill small....

Okie... just wanted to say YAY!!! Life is good for once... lol...
back to studying now.... maybe. ;)

That pie is positively orgasmic when hot and gooey...
Any ways... been a long, interesting week. Worked with my bugs, went and saw Obama, classes, sleep and tomorrow I have an exam.
I realized I have pretty good friends. I don't usually think about it anymore mainly because I don't usually need someone to be there for me... I'm usually there for the :) not that I mind.
Fanfiction is always a hoot, and my sister is now in a relationship...weird...
Other than that life is peachy... different, but still peachy. I'm going to put some opera in and drink my tea.
~Q

Life sucks so there...
Eating chocolate and drinking hot chocolate and going to bed. Why do i go through this, or rather why do i put my self through it...
Down and blue and there's nothing left to do

So this weekend was good. Had fun with the twins and Cat, However the wine tasting was horrible!!!
Got more Henna to feed my so called addiction and a food book just for saying I like Black Bubbles! YAY!
So I just did a search for my estranged cousin, and low and behold! I found her. I did a search a little while ago and couldn't find her, I was using the wrong last name. I thought her mom- my mom's sister- would have changed her last name back to her maiden name; hence the reason i didn't find her like that. But now that I have I find out that she's graduated... I missed one of my favorite cousin's big day and I feel kinda bad about it... maybe she'll contact me back. I hope so. Sigh
Well did my exam and only missed one question... so i should be ok.
I also miss Grace. It's kind of lonely in this dorm room... with joe the creep and Konstintine the other creep hanging around.
Well beddy-byes and then off to work with bugs...
Oh Yeah found my lost key too! YAY!!!!

I'm pathetic and tired... I don't want to do anything with anyone. I'm emotionally drained from the Drama on monday...
I'm tired of who I have become... at times. Why does life have to suck most of the time?
I have been thinking of Dan for awhile now... i guess i really liked him. I'm such a coward when it comes to this kind of thing.
Those who have a strong front are emotionally weak- it's so true it's scary. I have people who I can talk to, but like them I am loth to unload my fears and worries on them.
My Facade is very much in place. Help.

It's been a while eh? The weekend was long, fun filled and at times relaxing. Oh did I mention HOT! But that's ok...
So I have to go back tomorrow, to school that is, and it's a little weird.
Life is confusing and I may be fussing over the wrong things.
Let's get this year done and over with and see where I am in four months.

Ok so I'm here to rant and vent. LIFE SUCKS! We all know it so why try to deny it.
I applied for an intership and didn't get it... Oh is that all? That's too bad; besides it wasn't really in your field and you have little experience in it, so why did you want it anyways. HMPH! SO?! So what if I'm not technically in the field! I want to get my hands in anything possible! I WANT to learn about entomology, and how to identify bugs and ARGH!!!!
So now my summer is screwed... either I go home and work at the temp agency, which I don't want to do, or try, last minute, to get a job and a place to live up here at State. YAY! More money to spend! I Swear Life sucks more than usual.
What am I to do?! I have one more semster here! Just one more... All my friends are leaving, well most of them, and going off to grad schools who are paying for them to come, who want them to come! I'm depressed by the fact that I'm going to be a 5 year senior! Oh I know it's not a bad thing, but it's still depressing... Why does nothing ever work out like you want it to? Why can't I be how I was in high school? Stupid assholes who delight in making my life hell!
So here's to the self made hell and those who add to it's fire! YAY!!!
DIE!

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4-7 sentences on your LJ along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest (unless it's too troublesome to reach and is really heavy. Then go back to step 1).

~After the final banquet dinner of the '75 meeting in December, they traveled together on the night train from Paris to Liege, where Georges was invited to present a lecture.
Something nameless but definite bagan as the train pulled out of the Charles Roi-Sus station. He could see her again. Perhaps it was the wine, or whispered French evoking images of young Odile and passion on the sixth floor of a St. Severin apartment.

It was either that or my course pack for War and Revolution; which i'm supposed to be studying...

Bwhahahaha!! It is St. Patrick's Feast Day! 'Course the present Pope changed it to this past saturday so that it wasn't during holy week, but what ever.
So here's the shocker... I saw Beth, here at state, this past friday! WOW!!!! I mean that was weird and strange. Yes I've been a cynic about her for the past 4 years, and that's not likely to change much. I am always willing to forgive, but forget... not DAMN likely. Any who we talked and possibly re-established our friendship; we'll see how long that lasts.
So I have an exam tomorrow, a proposal due thursday, my mom's b-day saturday, easter at my 'rents place, a Quantum exam monday, and an Oral presentation next wednesday. YAY! I love loaded sarcasm!
Teehee...
So.... I totally watched Princess Bride today! I skipped the beginning and went straight to Inigo's and Wesley's sword-fight! OH IT'S SOOO COOL!
Let's see the only other thing on my mind is my ex... wow shouldn't he be out of my head by now? I mean it has been 3-4 years... seeing as we broke up around this time years ago. Sigh... whatever on to other things.
I have been on an instant ramen binge lately, 'course i'm no where near as bad as john, one of the prof's I work for, who buys' Maruchan by the case full. It's hilarious... so back to studying until my sister gets home to talk to me.
Ladedum!

Early this morning, I was laying in bed wondering who would come to my funeral, if by some chance I died in the near future. I could see my immediate family, a few of my friends and colleagues from College being there. I don't think either of my dad's brothers would be there and his parents are in no condition for travel. I think my uncle Joey, his wife, and his eldest daughter and her family would be there. I think my close friends from Faire would be there as well as two unwanted guests. There about 4 people I think I would be adverse to being there; James and Andrea and then Dale and Sam. I think my dad's cousins would be there as well as their children, though I use that term loosely as they are all older than me. I can see both of the profs I work for being there and maybe some of the grad students I work with in those labs. I'd like to think that Ash and Brandon would be there, and I know Meg, Karen, probably April and a few others would be there too. And then we get to the assorted adults and kids i've had an impact on- yeah there are a few that would be there, though I think Geordin and Rachael would be sorely affected, especially Geordin, she's young, 8 I think.
But there is one person that I wonder about if she would come; Beth. I couldn't tell you if she would or not. You'd probably think me being her best friend would get her to come. Heh... figures the only time she would come to visit me would be when I'm dead.

Aren't the things we think of during the wee hours of the morning strange.

So I have a paper due in three days, a lab report in two, 7 hw problems for quantum tomorrow... and I don't care.
Sigh
I don't want to go to work, and I forgot to turn in my time sheet this week...
I'm not going any where's in any way, shape or form.
I'm sure everyone asks what their purpose is, what are they expected to do, but what I want to know is who am I and what happened to the person I used to be.
I am without much of a social life... I used to have a great one... now... not so much. Don't get me wrong I see people every day, especially my suite mate, but... I don't have much else. Once a month, if i'm lucky, I get to see some of my friends from either high school or from old jobs.
As much as I love running experiments, getting awsome (interesting) results, and learning new techniques and their importance.... I am falling out of love with chemistry.
It's funny... This morning after my shower, I put a towel around my head and I looked like a neophyte nun... I've thought about being one for years, but i feel i'm not religious enough for it.
I have nothing to look forward to and want nothing more than for time to stop, so I can do nothing and something all at once.

Here's to the life I am wishing for and to the life already have....
Man I whine too much

Yes i mean you two twins and you know it. Life has taken a crap and in this world no one gives a shit about anyone else... well mostly no one. We all wear a facade and i would know.
I have had this wonderful facade since at least 6th grade. Lately it hasn't fallen at all, except in private, but it is quickly slipped back on. In years passed especially before college it would fall every so often that people would notice and i would give the excuse of 'one can't be happy all the time' some people took it in stride others could care less. This beautifully detailed mask has become so much a part of me that it is hard to see past it.
What have I been attempting for the past 4-5 years? I have been trying to achieve a career that deals with chemistry, the only science i like. But what have I found? I can't do it... no matter how much i love running the experiments that isn't going to help me graduate in this field. I want to do forensics badly I think it's cool and not because of CSI... Lord help me if I ever said that.
You know that somethings wrong when you start doubting what you're doing... but what's even scarier is when you read something about yourself and say when the hell did that happened.
"You are soon going to change your present line of work."
This is a fortune i've received twice with in the past couple days from two different restaurants ...
Life is full of coincidences and this maybe one of them but how do we know what is fate and what is luck, especially when both are rare.
I am always here to listen to you... in fact on a new phone service so call me morning noon or night. It's the same number... so call!
It's sad when those who have barely started life ask why they're so good at hiding their true feelings...

So here's to the crappy world we live in and the people who truly understand where we stand